Almost Confessions and Everything In Between
by 2three.abi
Summary: She knew they weren't meant to be and she understood that. She just hoped she had the chance to actually tell him she loved him until now. AU. NxM
1. Her

**Title:** Almost Confessions and Everything In Between

**Summary: **She knew they weren't meant to be and she understood that. She just hoped she had the chance to actually tell him she loved him until now. AU. NxM

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gakuen Alice.

**Warnings:** grammar errors and typos, OOC-ness

**A/N:** It's been a long time since I've posted a one-shot for GA so here it is. And well, happy FFN birthday to me (on the eighteenth actually orz)! It has been four years since I joined fanfiction and well yeah. I hope you enjoy reading this one lolol. Based on a true story orz

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><p>"<em><strong>Why is it that regrets always come too late?"<strong>_

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><p>She would always look at his direction secretly and would always find him laughing or having fun with some of their classmates.<p>

She would always look at him with hopeful glances secretly, cheeks blushing and blazing red as the dimple on his cheek showed every time he smiled.

She would always look at his face contorted in concentration as he studied his lessons and she would feel her heart beating impossibly fast inside her chest and she wouldn't be able to breathe properly.

She would look at him secretly and she would wish he would look at her, too.

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><p>She blinked her eyes with confusion and frowned as she looked at his towering figure.<p>

Both of his hands were on the side of her face, pinching her cheeks hard as he whispered, "You're so cute," only for her to hear.

She inaudibly gulped as he retracted his hands and smiled at her, the dimple on his left cheek deepening.

He then walked away and she just continued staring at him, her body systems going haywire inside her.

A smile was forming on her face as she watched him walking away. But then, he paused and turned to their other classmate and did the exact thing on the shocked female.

She felt her heart sink and her mood go blue for the rest of the day.

* * *

><p>They were assigned to seat next to each other again.<p>

She saw him grinning at her while saying, "Seems like we're going to be seatmates again, ugly."

She pouted at him, and motioned to punch his upper arm with her closed fist.

"Aw! That hurt, ugly!"

She was annoyed. She punched him a little harder. "Shut up! You're ugly, too, ugly!"

Their bickering continued, until their homeroom teacher asked them to settle down.

"Now, now," the teacher said, "we know that in a few months, you'll all be graduating. I know it's sad, but that's life. You have to move on and keep moving forward. But that doesn't mean forgetting the people from your past, right? That's why I have an activity for all of you today."

They all groaned.

"This activity is not that hard, people! So yeah, all you have to do is close your eyes. Come on, close your eyes, people! Okay. Now, I want you to hold your seatmate's hand. And I want you to remember the feel of each other's hand and never forget it. It will serve as a reminder that someone will always be there for you even if time passes by..."

Her eyes were tightly closed and she silently prayed for her hands not to get too sweaty.

She almost gasped when she felt him take his smaller hand into his larger one, gripping it tightly. She didn't quite understand what their teacher was saying because she was solely focused on the feel of his hand against hers.

Her breath hitched when he felt his fingers intertwining against her own.

_Oh my God_―

He heart beat even faster inside her chest when she felt him giving her hand a little squeeze.

And at last, the activity ended and the homeroom teacher asked for them to let go of each other's hands. (She didn't know what the activity was for because she didn't understand even a single word the teacher had told them.)

The strange thing was, he just stared at her and grinned. He didn't let go of her hand.

Well, not until their teacher for the second subject that day arrived and announced that there would be a surprised quiz for them.

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><p>She never told anyone about her feeling for him, not even her close friends. They would just make fun of her. They simply wouldn't understand her feelings for him.<p>

So she would keep all of her emotions―joy, excitement, sadness, pain―inside her when it came to him. She never told anyone how happy she was every time he would be assigned to sear near or beside her; never told anyone how her heart would feel like bursting out of her chest every time they had to hold hands every morning for morning prayers; never told anyone how sad―broken―she was every time he would tell her about this girl he so wanted to court.

She would smile at him at the right times, say the right comments and give him dating advices. And he would always tell her, "Thank you. You're the best," and would smile the smile she secretly loved.

And then she would smile back, bump her shoulders against his before saying, "Of course, I am."

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><p>"Good morning," she greeted him as he moved to sit on his chair beside hers.<p>

He grunted as a reply, her eyes continued searching his face, faint blush spreading across her cheeks. She averted her gaze when he caught her looking at him.

Raising an elegant eyebrow, he asked her, "What? Something wrong with my face?"

She looked at him and softly laughed before shaking her head. "No, it's nothing."

But he just continued staring at her.

"Really. Honest."

"Whatever," he replied and leaned back against his seat comfortably, stretching his long legs in front of him.

Her eyes wandered on his form, heart racing against her chest, palms sweating around the ball-point pen she was holding. She called his name without even realizing it.

He frowned as he looked at her. "Seriously. What's the matter with you today? You seemed a little weirder than the usual."

She pouted at his choice of words. She then saw the sudden change in his eyes, like something was stirring in them as he stared at her. Or was it just her imagination?

"I―"

He raised an expectant eyebrow before crossing his arms across his chest. She could feel her heart beating painfully against her chest once again under his scrutinizing stare. The grip on the pen she was holding tightened even more.

She then smiled sheepishly at him. "I'm not finished with my math homework. May I copy yours?"

"That's it?" he asked.

She nodded.

He sighed and let out a breath. He then stood up, after getting a red notebook inside his bag before letting it sit on top of his desk.

He then turned to face her, a mischievous grin forming on his lips as he stuck his tongue at her.

She stared at his figure and then back to the notebook. It was there, on top of his desk.

She smiled when she realized he was letting her copy his homework. She then carefully took the notebook and turned to the page where his answers were legibly written.

A small note then suddenly fell out and she picked it up. She couldn't help but smile after reading it.

_I knew you'd ask for my homework. By the way, I've interchanged solutions two and three._

She then pouted at the last sentence scribbled on that piece of paper.

_You're so stupid, ugly._

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><p>She could still remember the day when she found that he already had a girlfriend. (Not that it was something new, he was good-looking after all and had his fair share of relationship every now and then.) It was just a surprise to her and it came as a shock to her more than anything. After all, it wasn't until yesterday that she was still giving him love advices and now...<p>

She could still remember how he looked at her with that smile on his face, as he took his seat beside her. "Thank you," he then said. "Your advice worked. She's my girlfriend now."

She could remember how she forced to smile at him that day, gulping and keeping her tears to herself. "You're welcome."

She could still remember how his shoulder felt as he bumped his against hers. "You're the best. Did you know?"

She could still remember how she bumped her shoulders against his to return the action. "Of course I am."

She could still remember how much she cried that night, and how she scolded herself for giving him those advices. And she could still remember how she bitterly laughed at herself for being so pathetic.

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><p>She slowly distanced herself from him, ignoring him every time he wanted to talk and just briefly greeting him when they see each other in the corridor before classes began.<p>

She tried to forget the feelings she held for him, the feelings she had for so long she couldn't even remember the first time she felt them. But then, he would approach her, talk to her, smile at her and all of her efforts would be all for nothing. The defenses she built around her heart quickly would easily come crashing down with just a word from him.

She tried and tried, many times after every other failure only to fail once again.

She was still in love with him.

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><p>She sighed when she realized that she was the only person left inside their classroom. The others who, like her, had to stay behind to clean the classroom were already gone.<p>

She was busy organizing her books inside her bag when he entered the room, hands inside his pocket. He walked straight to the teacher's table and nonchalantly sat behind it, crossing his arms over his chest.

She could feel the fast beating of her heart against her chest. She was used to this feeling now, for every time she saw him, her body would react like this.

She then suddenly felt conscious of her appearance when she felt his stare at her. Putting her emotions in check, she composed herself and tried not to notice it. Her trembling hands quickly finished arranging her notebooks and her books and she quickly stood up with her bag on her back.

She stared back at him, wondering why he hadn't left yet but said no words when he said nothing and just continued staring at her.

She then murmured a goodbye and decided to leave. Her heart felt like it was about to burst when she heard him call her name, and quickly turned to face him.

"Hm?" she hummed as a reply.

He shook his head and stood up before dusting his pants. "Are you going now?"

She didn't trust her choices of words, so she nodded instead. She then looked at him as he walked past her, their arms accidentally brushing. She bit her lower lip and tried not to blush.

He turned to face her with a grin across his face once again. "Can I walk with you until we reach the gym?" he asked.

She nodded once again.

And so they walked together, silence enveloping the two of them. And she didn't like it. She wanted to say something. She _felt_ like she should say something.

She called his name and he looked at her, his eyebrows raised at her and a cute pout was on his lips. "What?"

She smiled a little and shook her head. "It's nothing."

He looked at her like he was sure it wasn't nothing. He looked at her like he wanted to say something. His mouth opened and he called her name, but his words were left hanging when the two of them heard a female voice calling his name affectionately.

And then, from nowhere, his girlfriend of the appeared, latching herself to his arm.

She decided to say goodbye to the pair. She walked fast, every step was quicker than the last. She needed to get away from them... from him.

Before he could even _hear_ her heart breaking.

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><p>She heard the two had broken up after two months of being in a relationship. She couldn't decide if she was happy or not. Seeing him always pissed off and annoyed and grumpy was not pleasant. She always wanted to see him smile and see him happy. Not like this. Never like this.<p>

So she took a deep breath and took her seat beside him before bumping her shoulder against his. Ah, she missed this. She missed him.

But she almost flinched when he glared at her. His forehead was knotted in annoyance and he certainly wasn't happy to be disturbed. "What?"

She sighed. "I heard what happened."

She saw him snort. "Everyone did."

"You'll get over it."

"Oh, so now you're talking to me?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Hey, I'm worried about you, okay? Everyone is. Stop being a jerk already."

She felt his heart sank when he said, "Stop worrying about me. I don't need your pity."

She kept her pride intact as she held her head high before standing up from her seat.

"Fine," she said and started to walk away.

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><p>She would frown at him whenever he would try to approach her. She would ignore him whenever he would try to talk to her.<p>

One day, she glared at him just like what he did two days before, when she bumped her shoulders against his.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself."

"Are you mad at me?"

She mumbled incoherent words under her breath as she continued to bury her nose in her math homework.

"What?" she asked and glared over her shoulder at him when he poked her left cheek with his finger.

"I'm sorry, okay? I was just not in the mood the other day. I took it all out on you. I'm sorry."

She ignored him and focused on her homework instead. _Ugh_, she didn't really know how to solve this...

Moments later, she felt her pen leaving her fingers as his hand took it together with her notebook.

"Hey! I'm doing my homework here!"

"Knowing you, you won't finish it in time for class," he answered and she continued glaring at him as he scribbled numbers and equations on the still blank page.

After five minutes or so, he handed the notebook to her. "There. All done," he said, smiling at her, the dimple on his cheek showing. "It's my peace offering. Forgive me?"

She sighed as she looked at him. She could feel her heart beating against her chest once again, like she ran twenty laps around the school campus. She sighed once again, calming herself, before taking her stuff from him.

"Fine," she then grumbled, suppressing a smile. She then opened the notebook and looked at the answers he had written on it.

"So am I forgiven?" he asked, his face just inches away from her shoulders.

"Yes," she whispered without even looking at him.

She felt her heart flutter as he chuckled beside her.

"I miss talking to you like this, you know," she heard him say once again.

She let out a snort. "You were busy with your girlfriend for the last two months. Surely, you won't miss your old seatmate."

"Ex-girlfriend," she heard him correct her, his index fingers forming an 'x' inches away from her face. She then heard him grunt. "Besides, you were the one who was avoiding me."

"I wasn't avoiding you! I was... _busy_. Studying and stuff."

She heard him grunt once again. "You were avoiding me. You think I didn't notice?"

She just shook her head at him. "Think what you want to think. Anyway, I heard your ex-girlfriend cheated on you. Is that true?"

She saw him nod. Snorting at him, she said, "What did you see in her anyway?"

She continued staring at him as he stared back at her. She then saw something in his eyes, twinkling like a neon light as he smiled, his dimple deepening.

"Right," he then said, "What did I see in her anyway?"

She could feel her body systems going haywire inside of her once again like the other times when he was near her like this, her throat running dry and the warmth spreading across her cheeks.

She then continued staring at the solutions he wrote on her notebook and ignored his overwhelming presence beside her.

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><p>It was already December and Christmas was finally coming. Which meant that their Christmas vacation was near, too.<p>

She sat on her seat, mind wandering about what she wanted to give as a gift to her friends. She then felt someone sit beside her, but continued to ignore it. She frowned when she felt something cold placed on her left wrist.

Her eyes widened when she saw him putting a very pretty charm bracelet on her wrist and quickly pulled her appendage away.

"What are you doing?" she asked, her heart racing once again.

"I'm just checking if this bracelet suits you."

_What._ Cue harsh breaths and even harder heartbeats.

"What? Why?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "It's my gift. I'll give this to the person whose name I picked."

"You picked me?"

He shook his head. "No, I was checking if it suits you. I was thinking about giving you one, too. Do you want something like this?" he asked.

She frowned and tried to stop the warmth spreading across her cheeks. "And why would you give me a bracelet?"

Once again, he shrugged his shoulders. "So, do you want one?"

"No," she answered too quickly and stood up, joining her best friends as they told jokes to each other.

She watched him at the corner of her eyes and she noticed the way his shoulders sagged as he looked at the piece of silver accessory on his hands.

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><p>Prom night.<p>

While everyone was looking forward to this night, she was quietly dreading it, cursing it with all her inside her head. Well, you couldn't really blame her. She didn't enjoy this kind of thing. She would rather be inside her own room, lying on her bed and reading a book. Not sitting with her classmates around a table in the middle of the gym turned into a dance floor while wearing fancy gowns and high heels.

_Ugh_, her feet hurt. And the program hasn't even started yet.

Forty-five minutes later, the floor was finally opened for anyone to dance. Only a few people had the courage to find a partner and go to the dance floor first. She remained on her seat, as she watched almost all of her classmates go to the dance floor and have fun.

She wondered if who would be her fist dance for the night. She hadn't danced on parties like this one so yeah. A part of her wanted to get up and just ask someone to dance with her, but another one was telling her to just sit there on her seat for the rest of the night. Besides, who would actually agree to dance with her?

Shaking her head, she took her purse and took out a book which she luckily snuck in.

She quickly buried her nose into the book, eye squinting as she tried to read with the lights dimmed. She sighed. She forgot to bring her glasses.

_Poke._

She nudged whatever it was that was poking her arm.

_Poke. Poke._

She rolled her eyes and nudged it again, harder this time.

_Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke._

She harshly shut the book close and turned to face the person who kept on bothering her, only to find him looking at her with amusement in his eyes.

"Don't tell me you're going to spend the prom reading a book," he said. But thanks to the large, and rather loud, speaker placed a few meters far from where they were seated, she didn't catch a word he said.

"Huh?" she stupidly asked, now mentally thanking the dimmed lights because he wouldn't notice the blush creeping on her cheeks.

He then moved closer to her, mouth near her ears as he repeated what he had said earlier.

Her breath hitched and the blush on her cheeks deepened as she felt his warm breath against her skin. She tried to calm herself down and grinned at him.

"Are you asking me to dance?"

He sheepishly nodded and offered his hand to her.

She wiped the seat off her hands (_ugh_ such wrong timing for her hands to get sweaty) before putting her hand atop his. He then lead her to the dance floor, guided her hands to rest on his shoulders and put his hands on her waist.

She tried to remember how to properly breathe when he pulled her closer. She heard him call her name after a few moments. She looked up at his face, as he stared down at her.

"You still look ugly even with the makeup on, ugly."

She pouted. He chuckled at her childishness and continued swaying the two of them with the music.

They danced for three continuous songs before letting her sit. He didn't ask her for a dance for the rest of the night.

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><p>They had finally graduated. A few months from now, they would go to a new school and they would start another chapter of their lives and meet new people. She didn't think she was ready for that.<p>

Her class had decided to go to an outing. It wasn't the first time they were doing this, but it was the first time that their class would be spending a night together.

They were all lying on the floor, thick comforters and blankets shielding their backs from the cold floor. It didn't matter who slept beside who because well, it just didn't matter. All of them in their class were close with each other and treated each and every one as a long lost sibling. Or _something_.

She was lying on her side, facing a female classmate who was trying not to fall asleep.

"Are you sleepy?" she asked, giggling.

"No," her friend answered, her eyelids fluttering close.

She giggled some more before she heard someone call her friend's name and asked her friend to move aside.

Her heartbeat had risen once again, as he lied beside her, his back facing her.

"I wanted to sleep beside you," he whispered to their classmate, loud enough for her to hear. "And hug you..."

Her heart broke a little when she saw his arms embracing her friend's sleeping form.

She then decided to shake the feeling off and turned the other way.

She closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep. It was strange, because no matter how tired and sleepy she was, she just couldn't sleep.

Sighing, she lied on her back and put an arm over her forehead. She almost screamed in shock when she heard him.

"Still awake?"

With a hand over her chest, she looked at him (he was now lying on his side facing her) and whispered, "You scared the hell out of me!"

He chuckled softly, his dimple showing and she felt her chest tightening under her hand. And it wasn't because she was scared out of her wits.

She calmed herself down and they were quiet for a while. Their classmates, who were sprawled around them, lying on different positions, were all asleep. They were the only ones awake.

Her breath hitched when he put his arms around her, his face resting against her neck and his breath tickling her flushed skin. They stayed like that for a while.

She then called his name and he grunted as a reply. "What are you doing?" she asked.

He nuzzled his nose against her neck. _Ugh_, he surely wasn't making this easier for her.

"Sleeping," was his only reply.

Her hand was on a tight fist, her body squirming beside his. "But I thought you wanted to sleep next to her," she said, motioning to her friend who was now snoring lightly beside him.

She felt him let out a sigh before releasing her.

"I―" he started, wanting to say something before deciding to just shake his head.

She then felt a hand ruffling the crown of her head afterwards.

"Good night," he then said, before facing the other way.

Confused, she stared at his back for a few seconds before gathering all of her courage and throwing her arms around his form. She could feel that he was surprised at her sudden action, but he didn't seem to mind her hugging him so close.

"Good night," she whispered softly, loud enough for him to hear.

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><p>Good night. Those were the words they last told each other the last time they were together.<p>

A few months after, she moved to the city, went to a prestigious university and met new friends. If she knew that that night was the last time they'd see each other and act around each other that way, she would have told her how she felt for him. She would have confessed that she had been in love with him ever since they were in their second year in high school. She would have told him how much he meant to her, how much his small actions affected her whole being. But she didn't.

Five years later, after graduating from college and spending quite some time in medical school, she heard the news that he got someone pregnant. To say that she was shocked at the news was quite an understatement. Her old feelings for him resurfaced, her love for him awakening after years of being buried under school stress and depression. She wanted to talk to him, wanted to ask him if the rumors were true and wanted to make sure he was okay. But she simply couldn't do it.

After all, she wasn't in the right place to do so. She hadn't gotten herself a job, she was suffering from depression and there was nothing she could offer him. She was broken beyond repair, her dreams she once pictured in her mind shattering in front of her over and over again.

She knew they weren't meant to be and she understood that. She just hoped she had the chance to actually tell him she loved him until now.

_**-End**_


	2. His

**Title:** His Butterfingers

**Summary:** He then realized, although years had passed, some things never truly change.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gakuen Alice.

**Warnings:** grammar errors, typos and OOC-ness

**A/N:** Some parts are still based on a true story, but I don't know if any of this happened because this is the guy's pov and I know nothing about how he truly felt. I just assumed things hahaha oh and also, I listened to Time Forgets and Love Me (both by Yiruma) while writing this. Try listening to songs while reading this? XDDD

**EDIT:** I actually posted this as a separate story, but I thought meeh why not just post this on almost confessions?And bam... here it is hahaha orz

**EDIT:** Thank you **_April Twelving_** and **_Anilissa_** for telling me about the format orz my eyes hurt while fixing this ;3; thanks again, guys! /hugglesyoutwo/

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><p><em><strong>If you wait for the perfect moment, when all is safe and assured, it may never arrive.<br>**__**Mountains will not be climbed, races won, or lasting happiness achieved. – Maurice Chevalier**_

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><p>He could still remember the day they first met.<p>

She stood out in the crowd of fellow students like them, wearing her school uniform even though it was only the first day of school.

He could still remember how hard he blushed when her eyes landed on him as she smiled and walked up to him.

"Do you belong in this class?" he heard her ask, her honey sweet voice full of unmasked curiosity.

Not trusting his own voice, he nodded quickly and audibly gulped as she motioned to take his right hand in hers and pulled him to join her now growing group.

"I haven't seen you around. Are you new here?"

He nodded once again and he heard her giggle. "Are you mute?"

He frowned. "No," he then answered afterwards.

She giggled once again. "Good to know."

He could still remember how friendly and shy at the same time (if ever that was possible) she was that day. And since then, he would find himself looking ― staring ― her and watching her every move. The way her eyebrows would knit together whenever she was annoyed, how her eyes would twinkle as they turn into half-moon whenever she would giggle and laugh, and how her cheeks would blush whenever she was embarrassed.

He would smile secretly at the sight of her and he would secretly wish she would do the same.

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><p>He saw her one morning, walking alone to the gym for the flag ceremony. She looked so cute humming to herself and before he could even realize, he was walking up to her and putting both his hands on her chubby cheeks.<p>

He stared at her face, her eyes widening and her cheeks blushing at his bold action. He wanted to hug her, to hold her close to him, but he couldn't do that. Instead, he pinched her cheeks hard and whispered, "You're so cute," only for her to hear.

He saw how her cheeks brightened even more at his comment and a satisfied smile appeared on his lips as he continued to stare at her.

Realizing what he had just done, he walked away. Feeling the weight of her stare on him, he paused near an unsuspecting female classmate, pinched her cheeks hard and put his shoulders around his classmate's shoulders as they went inside their classroom, chatting.

He immediately noticed how she was so quiet and moody for the rest of the day and he could only wonder why.

* * *

><p>He blinked as the class president asked him where he wanted to seat.<p>

"Whatever. You can place me wherever you want," he answered, feigning eagerness with nonchalance as he silently prayed to be assigned to seat beside her again.

The other male raised an elegant eyebrow at him. "You don't want to choose? Okay then, I'll choose for you. I'll make you seat with the girl who just transferred last week. You know she has this huge crush on you―"

Annoyed, he snatched the seat plan away from male in front of him and searched for her name before scribbling his own beside hers.

He then saw how the class president smirked mischievously at him. "Aren't you a bit tall to sit on the second row?"

"I have bad eyesight."

"Sure, you do."

"Every seat on that row seemed to be taken already."

"Yeah."

"I'm serious."

The class president chuckled. "I know."

* * *

><p>He grinned widely as he watched her struggle with her wooden armchair. He leaned back and put his hands at the back of his head before saying in a teasing voice, "Seems like we're going to be seatmates again, ugly."<p>

He saw her pout before moving to give him a punch on his arm. "Aw! That hurt, ugly!" He was lying of course. Her punch didn't hurt much and she certainly wasn't ugly. He just enjoyed teasing the heck out of her.

Her forehead knotted. She was clearly annoyed at him and he was enjoying every second of it.

"Shut up! You're ugly, too, ugly!" she retorted. Their bickering continued, he was sure he was grinning from ear to ear as he stared at her, until their homeroom teacher asked them to settle down for an activity she had prepared for her students.

The teacher asked them to close their eyes and hold their seatmates' hands.

He smiled a little when he felt her hands against his. A few seconds had passed and he couldn't help himself. He paused and intertwined their fingers together, liking the feel of her cold hand against the palm of his hand. He gave her hand a little squeeze when he felt like she was letting go of him. He only let her hand go when their economics teacher arrived and announced a surprise quiz. He didn't get to review yesterday's lessons the night before and he was certain that he was going to fail n this quiz, but what the hell.

He was happy anyway.

* * *

><p>"Aren't you a little close to your seatmate?" one of his close friends and classmate asked him one time.<p>

Jeering noises and teasing hoots echoed from everyone around him as he sighed, cupping his chin with his right hand. "I don't know what you're talking about."

He hadn't told anyone about his feelings for her because he was worried of what they would say. He didn't really like being the center of attention and he certainly didn't like the teasing tone his friends were using when talking to him about her.

"We're just that, seatmates. She's my classmate and she's my friend, too. Like you, guys," he then continued, trying not to sound too defensive. "Anyway, I had my eyes on this cute sophomore and I've been thinking of courting her."

He added that last bit of information to get them off his back. Sure, the girl he had in mind was cute, but she was not _her_. But his friends didn't need to know that.

"Another girl? What about _her_?"  
>"Hmm?"<p>

"Your seatmate?"

"What about her?"

"That's what I'm asking you―"

He saw their class president place a hand on their friend's arm to stop the other male. "We're just worried about her, you know," the class president said before pushing his glasses up on the bridge of his nose as he made his point.

"Why are you even worried about her?" he asked, blinking his eyes curiously.

His friends exchanged looks and shrugged their shoulders in his response to his question.

* * *

><p>He noticed how her shoulders would sag every time he mentioned about this girl he was currently courting, but he didn't think too much about it. Maybe she was stressed with studying alone that she didn't want to be bothered with his love life? Ah, that must be it. But still, she gave him pieces of advice and he would thank her, bump his shoulders against hers and watch her smile as she returned the action.<p>

* * *

><p>"Good morning," he heard her say before placing her bag on the floor in front of her armchair.<p>

He nodded at her direction and grunted as he prevented himself to stare at her. He felt her stare at him, so he asked her with a raised eyebrow, "What? Something wrong with my face?"

He saw her shake her head before replying, "No, it's nothing."

He wasn't convinced though and he continued staring at her.

"Really. Honest," answered as she moved to take her seat beside him.

"Whatever," he mumbled under his breath as he stretched his legs in front of him. He then felt her eyes on him and he couldn't help but look at her in the corner of his eye. He saw her biting her lips as she fidgeted with the pen in her right hand. A few seconds paused and he heard her call out for her name.

He secretly smiled before frowning. "Seriously," he told her, "What's the matter with you today? You seemed a little weirder than usual."

And indeed she was.

She pouted at his choice of words and he was mesmerized. She looked so cute, with her flushed cheek puffed and her little nose cringed and her eyebrows knitted together. He barely suppressed a chuckle before finally composing himself and his heartbeat.

"I―" she started and he raised an expectant eyebrow before crossing her arms across his chest.

He sighed in disappointment when she asked for his math homework instead. He was kind of expecting something… _different_.

"That's it?" he asked and she nodded as a reply. He then picked his bag up, before rummaging it for a red notebook. Luckily, he had anticipated this situation the night before and he was prepared.

He gave her a smile the walked off after handing her his notebook and sticking his out to her, teasing her.

He chuckled to himself when he remember every word he wrote on that piece of paper he inserted inside his notebook last night.

_I knew you'd ask for my homework. By the way, I've interchanged solutions two and three. You're so stupid, ugly._

Oh, he could only imagine the look on her face after she had read the last line.

* * *

><p>The girl, who was two years younger than them, he was courting finally agreed to be his girlfriend.<p>

He noticed the surprised look on her face as he told her the news. Her eyes looked a bit glassy and she looked like she was about to cry, but then he blinked and suddenly, a cheerful smile was on her face instead. She congratulated him, patting his shoulders as she also teased him.

The next day, she came to school, her eyes puffy and swollen. And for a minute, a spark of hope was lightened in him.

_Could it be…?_

He then overheard her conversation with one of their classmates just before their gym class started.

"Your eyes are all red and puffy. Are you sure nothing's wrong?" he heard one of her best friends ask her.

He then saw her smile a little before answering, "I'm fine. "

He gulped when she hesitated to continue what she was about to say for a bit and he leaned in closer to be able to hear her clearly. Somehow, the look on her face made hope swell inside his chest.

He then saw her nervously giggle as she continued. "Family problems. And stuff. Yeah. Just some stuff. Don't worry about me."

His shoulders sagged in disappointment, the warm feeling inside his chest awhile ago left a cold dent in him. Oh, how he wished was lying about this.

* * *

><p>Days passed and he noticed how little by little, she distanced herself away from him. Yes, she still greeted him and she still talked to him, but something was definitely off.<p>

He missed talking to her and teasing her. He simply missed being with her.

* * *

><p>He made sure she was the only one left inside their classroom when he entered. He couldn't help it anymore. He wanted to talk to her. He <em>needed<em> to talk to her.

Crossing his arms over chest, he watched her intently as she slowly organized her things inside her bag. He also leaned back against his seat (the teacher's chair), his eyes never leaving her petite form.

He felt a gentle tug on his chest when she turned to look at him before muttering a hurried goodbye, and that was when he almost lost it. He called her name and asked if it was okay to walk with her until the two of them reached the gym.

A smile almost appeared on his face when she agreed.

And so they walked together in silence. He didn't like it. He didn't like it that no matter how many things he wanted to tell her, he just couldn't even open his mouth or think properly. He wanted to break the silence, to say something to her. And he didn't know why, but he felt like she was somehow feeling the same, struggling with her inner thought like him.

Moments passed and he heard her call his name. His heart felt like bursting and his chest hurt and he could definitely feel a blush slowly creeping up to his cheeks and nose at the sound of her voice.

Coughing softly to compose himself, he looked at her with a pout forming on his lips. "What?" he then mumbled with much effort.

He thought he died and went to heaven and back (but of course, he was exaggerating) when she smiled at him cutely before shaking her head.

"It's nothing," she then quietly replied.

He stared at her. He assumed it wasn't nothing. He _kinda_ hoped it wasn't nothing.

He called her name out as three little words dangled on the tip of his tongue. But then, a new voice called for him and he almost groaned when a pair of skinny arms wrapped around his arm.

He didn't even hear her say goodbye.

* * *

><p>He and his girlfriend broke up a month and a week after that incident. The younger girl had the audacity to break up with him when he found out she was cheating on him with another guy from her own class.<p>

But that wasn't the reason why he was annoyed. He was teetering on the edge of anger and jealousy when he saw her, a pair of male arms wrapped gently around her torso and her head leaned backwards on the guy's shoulders.

It didn't matter that they were practicing for a school play. It didn't matter that the said guy was gay. He was still pissed off and his forehead knotted and a scowl stayed on his face for the rest of the day.

* * *

><p>He felt seat beside him. He almost sighed when he felt her shoulders against his. <em>Almost<em>. But the scene he saw earlier kept on replaying inside his head.

He then turned and glared at her. "What?"

His expression on his face almost softened when he saw how she flinched at his obvious annoyance.

"I heard what happened," she then said.

He snorted, the scene he witnessed a while ago flashing inside his mind. "Everyone did."

"You'll get over it."

"Oh," he said, a sarcastic smirk appearing on his lips, "so now you're talking to me?"

"Hey, I'm worried about you, okay? Everyone is. Stop being a jerk already."

He wanted to take his words back when he saw the hurt look on her face before she walked away.

* * *

><p>She would frown at him whenever he would try to approach her. She would ignore him whenever he would try talk to her.<p>

Two days had passed and he couldn't take it anymore. He knew he had to apologize to her. So he sat on his seat beside her and bumped his shoulders against hers to get her attention.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself," she flatly replied.

He frowned. "Are you mad at me?" _Hn. Of course, she is, idiot. After snapping at her like that two days ago, do you really think she won't be at least annoyed at you?_

He rolled his eyes. He was talking to himself again. Shaking his head, he poked her cheek to tease her. He could almost smile when cutely glared at him.

"What?" she asked, obviously annoyed at him.

He knotted his forehead and caught her eyes. "I'm sorry, okay? I was just not in the mood the other day. I took it all out on you. I'm sorry."

He could feel his heart sank when she continued to ignore him, focusing on her math homework instead. He saw how she was struggling to solve the first problem. Sighing, he took her pen and notebook from her and scribbled all the answers on it.

"Hey! I'm doing my homework here!" she shouted near his ear, moving to reach her notebook, but he insisted and continued doing her homework for her.

He smirked. "Knowing you, you won't finish it in time for class."

He could feel her glare on him, but he didn't back down. After five minutes or so, he finally handed her notebook back to her. "There. All done. It's my peace offering. Forgive me?"

He saw her sigh as she looked at him. She sighed once again after a few seconds before reaching out to get her notebook.

"Fine," he heard her grumble under her breath as she opened the notebook and scanned the solutions he had written on a page.

"So am I forgiven?" he asked, as he moved closer to her. He could smell her, the faint smell of her perfume and the scent of sun lingering on her skin. He liked it.

"Yes," she whispered, her eyes full of concentration as she continued to try to understand her homework.

He couldn't help but chuckle at her response. _Finally_. He could finally get some sleep tonight. "I miss talking to you like this, you know," he then told her.

She snorted. "You were busy with your girlfriend for the last two months. Surely, you won't miss your old seatmate."

"Ex-girlfriend," he corrected her, his index fingers forming an 'x' inches away from her face. He then grunted. "Besides, you were the one who was avoiding me."

He saw how her cheeks flush. Hah. He was right.

"I wasn't avoiding you!" she said, her usually confident voice stammering. "I was... busy. Studying and stuff."

He grunted once again. "You were avoiding me. You think I didn't notice?"

He then saw her shook her head before saying, "Think what you want to think. Anyway, I heard your ex-girlfriend cheated on you. Is that true?"

He noticed just how she easily changed the topic. _Hn, whatever,_ he thought and nodded.

"What did you see in her anyway?" she told him, snorting once again as she continued to stare at him.

He stared back at her and let her question echo in his ears once again. He then smiled. "Right. What did I see in her anyway?"

He saw her blush once again before finally burying her nose on her homework once again.

* * *

><p>It was already December and Christmas was finally coming. Which meant that their Christmas vacation was near, too.<p>

He looked over their seats and breathed out a heavy sigh as he felt his heart race inside his chest.

He would do this today.

He then walked to his seat and immediately sat on it and he frowned when she didn't even look at him. Sighing once again, he reached for her wrist and decided to just get on with it.

_Consequences be damned._

He felt her move and the next thing he knew, she was pulling her arm away from him.

"What are you doing?" she asked him, flustered by his actions.

_Ugh. This isn't going well_. "I'm just checking if this bracelet suits you."

"What? Why?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "It's my gift. I'll give this to the person whose name I picked." _Gah, I suck at this._

She frowned. "You picked me?"

"No, I was checking if it suits you." _Ugh. What the hell._ "I was thinking about giving you one, too. Do you want something like this?"

"And why would you give me a bracelet?"

He shrugged his shoulders once again. "So, do you want one?"

"No."

He felt like his heart was pulled out of his chest with her utter refusal.

* * *

><p>Prom night.<p>

He saw her, huddled in a corner, he nose buried on one of her books. He saw how her eyes squinted at the dim light and he sighed. What was he going to do with her?

He walked near her and decided to distract her from her book. He poked her arm a number of times and she would just ignore him. But when he felt like giving up, she harshly shut the book close and turned to face him.

"Don't tell me you're going to spend the prom reading a book," he told her.

She frowned and he easily understood that she didn't hear a thing he said. So he moved closer to her, he could smell her sweet scent of strawberries, and whispered to her ear.

"Are you asking me to dance?" she asked, grinning at him.

He nodded sheepishly before offering his hand to her. He led her to the dance floor, guiding her hands to rest on his shoulders before putting his on her waist. He then pulled her closer and called her name. He stared down at her as she looked up at his face.

"You still look ugly even with the makeup on, ugly," he then told her. But of course, it wasn't true.

She pouted and he chuckled at her childishness and continued dancing to the music.

They danced for three consecutive songs. He wanted to ask her to dance before the prom ended, but he noticed how she would wince whenever she stands up.

_Must be the heels she's wearing_,he thought.

He didn't ask her to dance with him again.

* * *

><p>They had finally graduated. A few months from now, they would go to a new school and they would start another chapter of their lives and meet new people. He knew he wasn't ready for any of that.<p>

He hadn't told her about the feelings he had for her and there were still a lot of things he wanted to do before finally leaving high school. But time flew fast and all he could do now was regret the things he hadn't held back and the things he hadn't done...

He saw her, giggling at a fellow classmate as the latter denied being sleepy. He then called their classmate's name and asked her to move aside.

Thinking about her, he hugged his classmate and said, "I wanted to sleep beside you. And hug you..."

But still, she wasn't _her_. Hah. He was so whipped.

Shaking his head, he lied on his back before moving to lie on his side facing her. "Still awake?" he then asked her.

He almost laughed when he saw her move, her hand flying to her chest in shock.

"You scared the hell out of me!"

He chuckled softly before putting his arms around her, before letting his face settle against the crook of her neck. He stayed like that for a while, basking on the sweet scent of her filling his entire system.

He heard her call out his name a few moments after. "What are you doing?"

He nuzzled his nose against her neck and he could almost swear he could feel her shudder against his touch.

"Sleeping," he then replied, before inhaling deeply.

"But I thought you wanted to sleep next to her," she mumbled, pointing to their classmate who was now lightly snoring beside him.

He let out a sigh before detaching himself from her.

"I―" he started, the remaining words still dangling on the tip of his tongue. _No, not now. I'll tell you once we see each other again._

He then shook his head before proceeding to ruffle the crown of her head and wishing her a good night. He turned his back on her and his eyes widened in surprise a few seconds after when he felt her arms around him, hugging him from the back.

"Good night," he then heard her whisper.

He could feel his heartbeats in his ears, and he was scared that she could hear it, too. He tried to ignore it though, tried to ignore the warmth of her against his back and her soft breath against his shoulder blade.

He fell asleep that night with the words 'I will miss you' hanging on his tongue.

* * *

><p>Years passed and they hadn't seen each other once again. He didn't have the chance to tell her how he felt.<p>

He had made the wrong decisions for all the wrong reasons. One drunken night, he got a high school student pregnant and ruined her life, her future. Still, he decided to take responsibility and took his son from the girl so that she could continue with her studies.

Over the years, he had forgotten about his seatmate, but seeing her private message on his Facebook account still made his heart flutter.

_How are you?, she asked, with a little smiley at the end._

He could only shake his head and smile at the message. He then realized, although years had passed, some things never truly change.

* * *

><p><strong><em>*Butterfinger<em>**: someone who is clumsy with objects, and tends to let them slip out of their hands. Someone who can't hold anything without dropping it. [_via urbandictionary_]


	3. They

**A/N:** This chapter isn't based on a true story. This chapter is based solely on my imagination because I can haha

I'm changing the rating from now on. I don't what happened, but lol this fic is getting darker and I couldn't help it :(( well, it couldn't be helped because Mikan was/is suffering from depression.

**Warning: ** this chapter might trigger something and for that, I am sorry.

**Important Note:** Depression is no easy matter. If you are feeling down and depressed, send me a pm. Let's talk. It doesn't matter if you live miles away from me. Sometimes, all we need is a person to confide in. We can get through this. Let's help each other :D

* * *

><p><em><strong>Self-doubt inflicts the deepest wounds. Marty Rubin<strong>_

* * *

><p>It has been twenty-two days since she had garnered all of her courage and sent him a private message on one of her SNS accounts. It wasn't that she had been expecting an immediate reply; she knew he was busy with his new job and he also has a son to take care of.<p>

But when she heard that familiar tone that indicated a new private message for her, he was the last thing in her mind as a sender.

Which was why she was bugged out of her mind when she saw his name in bold letters on the screen of her phone. She was excited, her heart was beating ten miles per hour and she felt giddy all over. His reply was twenty-two days late, but whatever. It was like she was back to being that high school girl with the biggest crush on her seatmate. It was almost like nothing has changed.

Except that wasn't the case now. She changed too much that she didn't know who she was or what she wanted in her life anymore. She was depressed; her future was as foggy as ever.

She shook her head. No way was she going to let these negative thoughts overcome her. Not again.

Sighing, she made a fist to stop her fingers from shaking, as she formed words and sentences inside her mind. She was going to send him a reply.

Granted that it was almost four o'clock in the morning...

She rolled her eyes. It was his fault in the first place though. Because, honestly. Who sends a private message at two-thirty in the morning?

Yeah. She took almost an hour and a half to gather her courage and form a response. But what the hell.

She started typing.

* * *

><p>His eyes squinted at the bright screen of his hand held device. And before he knew it, he was reading a message from her, exactly three hours after he sent his.<p>

She's already awake?

He almost scoffed at that thought, remembering that she wasn't exactly a morning person.

He started typing.

* * *

><p>She had rolled herself into a cocoon while waiting for a reply from him. She knew that the chances that he would send a reply back were slim. After all, it took him, almost a month to send her a reply last time. It would probably take much longer for him to―<p>

_Ping!_

She struggled to free herself from her blanket and she scrambled to reach for her phone and she blinked her eyes as she unlocked the screen and looked at the message application.

She bit her lip when he saw his name at the top of the message list, highlighted.

He replied.

He freaking replied!

She licked her lips in anticipation as she clicked on his name and read his message.

_u awake alrdy?_

Before she could even think, her fingers were typing and sending him a message.

* * *

><p><em>Nope. I'm still awake. I couldn't sleep.<em>

He snorted at her message. It was just so like her to use proper capitalization and punctuation marks. Just like before when they used to send text messages to each other when they were still at high school.

But then, he realized one thing.

She hasn't slept yet?

His fingers moved on their own.

* * *

><p><em>Ping!<em>

Wow. Another reply from him? She must be dreaming. But no. She saw his name on the application once again.

Smiling to herself, she clicked on his message and read it. His message was short and brief like the last time, but she couldn't help but feel all warm inside as she read it.

_u hvent slept yet then. why?_

_I don't know. Insomnia?_, she replied back.

They asked each other how they have been these past few years and told each other some fun stories when they were still in college. Before they knew it, they were talking ―chatting― for almost two hours before it was time for him to get up and ready to leave for his job.

_wat abt u?,_ he asked her.

_What about me?_

_arent u going to take a bath or smthin? u kno u myt b late for ur job._

She bit her lip hard, until she could taste a hint of blood inside her mouth. She then typed a response to him.

* * *

><p>He was on his way to the bathroom when his phone lit up.<p>

Another reply from her. He smiled to himself.

His smile transformed into a frown when he saw that it wasn't a private message from her. It was from a colleague from work, asking him if it was possible to hitch a ride with him on the way to their workplace.

He waited for her reply for the rest of the day.

His phone didn't light up with her name on his screen.

* * *

><p>She didn't send him a reply. She couldn't will herself to.<p>

She couldn't possibly tell that she hadn't got a job yet. She was shy and embarrassed.

She just let her phone lie beside her laptop as she amused herself by watching Korean variety shows. She laughed carelessly and loudly as one of the members of the show somehow managed to slip on nothing and landed flat on his face in the mudflat.

She was in her own world.

She was safe.

* * *

><p>It wasn't after dinner that she heard that familiar tone again.<p>

Her feelings went haywire again, as she saw his name on the screen of her phone once again.

She clicked on his name as she bit her lips.

_u didnt reply dis morning. u ok?_

She squealed after reading his message.

"Moooom! I swear my sister is going mad! She's making these weird noises for like five minutes now!"

Snickers. "Oh, like you can talk? I heard you last night, little lady! You were crying and laughing while watching this Korean drama! Ah, what am I going to do with you kids?"

She continued ignoring the teasing noises and begun typing.

* * *

><p><em>I fell asleep, sorry.<em>

One of his eyebrows rose, as he read her message. Why did it feel like she was lying to him? After all, she was never a good liar even when they were still in high school.

His phone lit up again.

_And, oh, I don't have a job hahaha XD_

* * *

><p>It had been three minutes since she sent her message and he hasn't replied yet.<p>

Okay. Four minutes now.

She knew because she was counting and looking at that small digital clock at the right corner of her phone.

Her eyes squinted and her forehead knotted as she waited.

Five minutes now.

What's taking him so long?

She had told him that she didn't have a job. She basically told him that she was a mess and he wasn't going to talk to her anymore. He was going to ignore her and they were going back to what it was before- before he replied to her private message.

They wouldn't talk to each other again. She would be that girl he used to know back in high school again.

She knew it. Oh, how could she be foolish. How could she tell him―

Before she could even realize, her fingers are shaking and she couldn't breathe. Tears were also pooling in her eyes and her vision had become blurry.

She was having a panic attack and she was having the urge to pick up the pair of scissors she saw earlier. It was lying somewhere near her sketchpad and color pencils―

No.

She clenched her fists until her knuckles turned pale white.

She wasn't going to hurt herself again.

She had been doing fine and it had seemed like forever since she last cut herself.

No. There was no way that she would go back to hurting herself once again. Not again. Not ever.

_Ping!_

That sound erased all the dark thoughts inside her head.

With her hand still shaking and cheeks still flushed from crying, she clicked on his name and read his message.

_slr. i ate dinner. i just got home from work. im so tired._

Oh.

She did that again. That overthinking thing.

She sighed.

She could finally breathe again.

She then wiped her still wet and flushed cheeks.

* * *

><p>They ended up talking for the rest of the night until it was time for him to go to sleep.<p>

_how abt u?_, he asked her.

_I'm not going to sleep yet. I'm not yet sleepy. Besides, it's not like I have to get up early every morning :p_, she replied.

_heh. so what will u b doin til u fall asleep?_

_I don't know. Watch Korean variety shows, I guess? XD_

_whaaat? do u even understand those things?_

_Hey! That's so mean! I can understand a few words, thank you very much. Also, there's this thing called subtitle, you know. Plus, Korean variety shows are the best._

_pft fine. btw, are you busy this coming weekend?_

_I don't really do anything. How can I be busy haha orz_

_just what in the world is that orz -.- anyway, its my sons bday. u shud come. evryones gonna be ther._

He didn't know what made him type that... invitation.

His fingers tapped against his phone while waiting for her reply. His eyes felt heavy already, and before he knew it, he was sleeping soundly on his bed.

He didn't get to read her reply until morning came.

* * *

><p><em>just what in the world is that orz -.- anyway, its my sons bday. u shud come. evryones gonna be ther.<em>

She didn't even realize that she was biting her nails.

Ugh. This was why she put nail polish on. She didn't want to bite her nails every time she was nervous.

Before she knew it, it was time for him to wake up.

Great. It took her almost seven hours to send him a reply. But really? Did she just spend seven hours just staring at her phone?

She shook her head and begun typing.

_Do you realize that I'm still in the city? There's no way I can go back there. My parents won't let me._

And it was true. Her parents wouldn't let her travel alone.

It didn't take a few minutes for her to receive a reply. He must be awake.

_dont worry abt that. some of r high school frnds r going to. u shud tell dem u'd go wid dem._

She bit her lips. She hasn't talked to any of their high school friends for years. Just how could she ask them―

_Ping!_

She clicked on his name as it flashed on her screen once again.

_better yet, im going to tell dem myself._

...what?

_Ping!_

_gtg! im gonna b late for work!_

She wasn't finished typing her response when her phone ping-ed once again. She couldn't help but smile as she read his message.

_bye! talk to u later!_

* * *

><p><strong>AN (again lol): **MY FINGERS ARE ITCHING TO CORRECT THOSE MISSPELLED WORDS HUHU

The Korean variety show that I kind of described in this chapter is called Running Man. It's funny and so entertaining, especially the first episodes (the show has been running for five years now, and the show has 250++ episodes and counting. You should all give it a try :DD). If you're willing to watch this show, you can go to Kshowonline dot com BD they upload new subbed episodes every Tuesday~ and if you are already watching this show, who is your favorite member and why? Mine is Yoo Jaesuk aka Yoo MC, Yoomes Bond or Yoo Hyuk. I also like Lee-Yoo Brothers hahahaha I have a soft spot for Lee Kwangsoo XDD shameless plug OTL. I can't believe I just fangirled over RM in here XD

Thank you for the reviews, everyone haha! I've replied to those who had left a review earlier via PM, but I'll be replying to the reviews I haven't replied to, or can't reply to :D

**Tin**: Hi, Tin! Oh em, it's been so long. How are you? :D

**Nikinora96**: As much as I want them to be together, some stories don't always have a happy ending. And as of now, all I can see is friendship between the characters and I hope you understand that. Of course, Mikan doesn't deserve to suffer from depression. Nobody does. ^^


	4. Her Fears and Their Unexpected Meeting

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

**Warning: **this chapter might trigger something and for that, I am sorry.

**Important Note:** Depression is no easy matter. If you are feeling down and depressed, send me a pm. Let's talk. It doesn't matter if you live miles away from me. Sometimes, all we need is a person to confide in. We can get through this. Let's help each other :D

Also, this chapter isn't based on true story XD

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anytime you have a chance to meet with old friends, greet them sincerely. This is one easy way to build relationship by utilizing unexpected moments. <strong>__**―**__**Toba Beta**_

* * *

><p><em>It was an entirely different thing when you know something and when someone says the truth right at your face. In your mind, it's tolerable and you're kind of used to those thoughts consuming you, but when someone tells you the truth about the whole situation, it feels different. Like a slap on your face or maybe, a punch on your gut. And you can't help but feel anxious, feel bad about yourself and think that you are right after all: that you really are not good enough.<em>

_You feel so bad you can't even breathe and your eyes pool with unshed tears that you wish nobody would ever see. You are not you, you're a mess and a failure, but you're used to it. You have seen the same face in the mirror for years, but it still doesn't make sense, because you are trying so hard- you know you are. And it just sucks that all your efforts -all the courage that you somehow managed to gather- can be pushed away with some words, with the reality you don't even want to acknowledge. You're frustrated and angry at yourself, angry at those people around you because they don't even try to see how hard you try._

_You wanted to run away, to escape. You don't know where, but anywhere is good. _

_Anywhere but here._

* * *

><p>She had been writing these past few days. She had been writing her thoughts, her dreams, mostly her nightmares. If someone would find her writing notebook and read its contents, they would be lost in their minds. The stuff she had been writing these past few years were so dark and full of angst. She wasn't even a fan of angst before, in fact she didn't even know she could write something full of angst.<p>

She snickered to herself.

There were days in which she hardly slept and she spent the most of the nights with her nose buried in some books and fanfictions. She would rather find herself lost in her own imagination, than experience nightmares in her sleep, she reckoned.

She hardly talk to her own mother, because they had a spat about the same thing again a few days ago.

* * *

><p><em>"You can't spend the rest of your life cooped up in your room! Go outside, have fun or maybe get a job! Go back to school!"<em>

_She remained silent. She was screaming inside her mind, but her mouth remained shut. She knew better than say a word to her mother. She had learned her lesson when she received a slap that left her cheek swollen for a few days._

_"If you can't do it for this family, then do it for yourself!"_

* * *

><p>She wanted to. She knew she did, but her fears and anxiety prevented her from doing so. She was scared, of what she didn't know exactly, but she was. And she was sick and tired of it.<p>

There were times she wanted to end it- end everything and just _escape_.

Escape to her own world where she didn't have anything to worry or feel sorry about.

Her phone lightened up for the sixth time that day. She saw his name on the message application. She hadn't been replying to his messages for days now, she couldn't will herself to.

_hey_

_yo_

_what hav u bn doing dis past few days?_

_heeeeeey_

_how r u?_

_why r u not rplying, ugly?_

Ugly. He had called him ugly again. Just like the old days.

She couldn't help the grin appearing on her face.

She started typing her reply to him.

* * *

><p>He didn't even realize that he had been staring at his phone for a few minutes. He was waiting for her reply and she was wondering why she hadn't been replying to his messages since the last time they started talking to each other again.<p>

He found himself scrambling to grab his phone when it lit up.

He couldn't help but laugh when he read her reply.

_Who told you to call me ugly, ugly?_

* * *

><p>For the first time in days, she found herself laughing as she talked ―<em>chatted<em>― with him once again.

He had been sending her those animated stickers and she found cute.

* * *

><p><em>why havnt u bn replying to my msgs?<em>

_I don't know. I just don't feel like it? :P_

_is dat evn possible?_

_Uhh yes...? XD_

_pft fine. oyeah u still up to coming here dis sunday?_

_..._

_ugly?_

_...uhh, I don't know. I haven't told my parents about it :/_

_oh._

_I'm sorry._

_its ok. i just hope u cud come tho. I miss u_

* * *

><p>Her heart did somersaults inside her rib cage as she read his message.<p>

_I miss u._

She pressed her face firmly on her pillow before letting a scream out. She then immediately reached for her phone as its screen lit up once again. The smile on her face disappeared when she read his other message.

_u kno evryone does. so please come? :)_

Sighing, she sent him a couple of emoticons before picking her pen once again. She shouldn't have expected him to feel the same for her.

She then ignored her phone when she heard that familiar _ping_-ing sound.

* * *

><p>She found herself coming home with her parents the next day.<p>

Home. It had been so long since she considered some place ―aside from her own room― home. It was kind of weird.

A small smile appeared on her face as she saw the doodles she, her sister and her cousins had written on the walls when they were still young. Her fingertips tingled as inspirations to write hit her hard.

She sighed when she remembered she didn't bring her writing notebook with her. She also didn't bring her favorite pen.

* * *

><p>After half an hour of commuting, she reached the town. Her face visibly brightened at the sight of notebooks stacked neatly on the shelves and the pens arranged by their colors and their brands. It was just a shame that they don't sell her favorite pen here.<p>

She bought three new notebooks and five new pens; three of which were green, her favorite color. Call her weird, but she felt more inspired whenever she used green pen when writing.

She was on her way home when she passed by the church near her old hit her, as memories when she was still in high school came back to her. Without even realizing it, she was walking inside the church and sitting on one of the pews.

She blinked when she heard the sound of the organ and the singing choir. The mass was just starting.

_Oh right. Today was Sunday._

She was then startled when she felt a light tap on her shoulder. She turned around only to find him looking at her, one side of his lips lifted to form _his_ smirk.

She couldn't help but smile at the sight of him. "Hi."

He greeted her back and asked if they could sit with her.

It was only then that she noticed a boy ―probably his son― hiding behind him and clutching his pants.

She blinked. Has he always been this tall?

She shook her head mentally before lightly tapping the space beside her.

"Hello," she greeted the boy with a smile as she waved her hand at his direction.

The boy let out a silent greeting before hiding behind his father again. The child looked so much like his father, from that mischievous glint in his eyes to the dimples on his cheeks. The little boy was indeed his father's son and it took all of her self-restraint not to pinch his cute little cheeks.

* * *

><p>"I didn't know you're going home."<p>

She flinched. There was that word again. _Home. _

"You should have told me when we were chatting the other day."

She shrugged and watched his son instead. Her heart was a wreaking havoc inside her and she couldn't trust herself to even say a word to him.

"Everyone was asking about you, you know. They were asking if you're going to the party," he continued and she could almost hear him smile with his words. "Oh yeah. Since you're with us now, you can't escape. You will come with us, whether you like it or not."

Her eyes widened. "W-What?"

He smirked at her. There it was again, that glint in his eyes, the one like his son's. She almost shivered at the similarity of the two.

"But I haven't told my parents―"

"Send them a message."

"I don't have my phone with me," she squeaked, lying through her teeth.

He snickered as if knowing something she doesn't. "I saw your phone with you a while ago before the mass started. Face it, you can't escape us now."

"But―"

He sighed as he stared at her. "Give me your phone."

"Eh?"

"I'll send the message to your parents," he said, grabbing the handheld device from her pocket. She almost let out a surprised gasp when his hand briefly brushed again her leg.

"What's your password?"

"Hmm?"

"Your password. Your phone's locked."

"Oh," she said before getting the phone from him. She punched in her password before handing him the device once again.

"There, message sent. Now, let's go," he said as he stood before dusting his pants and picking his son up, who was still busy drinking with his juice that he didn't mind.

She just stared blankly at him when he offered her his hand.

"What?"

"Hold my hand."

"Why?"

"So that you won't be able to escape."

She could almost hear her heartbeats echo in her own ears.

"Eh?! But where are we going?" she almost shouted, startling the child in his arms. She muttered an apology to the child as she reached to touch the boy's leg.

She let out a surprised noise when he grabbed her hand with his free one, before weaving their fingers together. Right there and then, she felt like she was in high school again, just like when their homeroom teacher asked them to hold hands. Except that they were adults now and he has his son with him.

One thing was for sure though. Her feelings for him definitely hadn't changed.

"Hey, answer me! Where are we going?"

"You haven't changed, ugly. You're still loud as ever," he said as he pulled her to what seemed to be his car. "And to answer your question, we're going home. And you're coming home with us. Isn't that right, buddy?"

Flabbergasted, she just stared at the father and son pair as the little boy nodded his cute little head.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **And so they met hoho XD I wonder what will happen :O I kinda wrote this chapter on a whim so haha I don't know what will happen on the next chapter XDD

Sorry for the grammar errors or typos. I'm too lazy to re-read everything haha orz

Thank you for those who had left a review for the last chapter~~ :D

**RavenAcA3:** OH MY GOD I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT HOTARU AND NO ONE FORGETS ABOUT HOTARU ;_; I will try to write the next chapter as soon as possible. The keyword is try though haha. And omg how is it? Have you you know... give me an update, duuuude haha

**Guest:** The cheerful Mikan is sleeping inside her for now lol. Don't worry, I hope Mikan recovers too :DD OMG YOU LIKE RM TOO I'M SO HAPPY ;_; I like Jihyo too, I ship him with Gary haha forever Monday couple :D oh and if you like RM, Give Infinity Challenge a try. It's a funny show, too and MC Yoo is on that show, too :3

**riaanaa:** Hehe thank youuu~ me too! I just found out after re-reading everything orz that's why I changed the rating XDD

**ria-hime:** KOREAN VARITIES CHANGED MY VIEW OF ENTERTAINMENT HAHA

**Nikinora96:** you should try watching variety shows :DDD kdramas are good along with jdramas, but korean variety shows are good, too. They are too funny to pass up XD you're kinda right /sighs. I wonder what will happen to the both of them now :O


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